Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Emailed Questions Answered
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
An insane supporting character in “Treasure Island”.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
The last time I poked my eye while cutting up hot peppers.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. It looks just like I wrote it!
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT
Rude people.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Why, do you want some?
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, but we’d never remember to call each other. (And what other person would I be? Can I pick?)
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yeah, right.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes, they are in a safe deposit box. (I can’t remember where, though.)
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
How boring. People actually pay money for this?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cold pizza.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have a man who comes in to do that for me.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Super humanly.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Whatever is in my bowl at the moment, though I am partial to Cherry Garcia.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
That there are way too many of them.
15. RED OR PINK?
Blue. (Oh, alright… Red.)
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My least favorite thing or everyone else’s? Because there’s a difference. A big difference.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
No one. I have excellent aim.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Define “everyone”.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants?
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A census taker.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The voices in my head.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Flesh.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm in the morning. (It smells like victory.)
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Don’t know, I dialed randomly. (She was ticked, though.)
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
See above.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
High driving and Greco-Roman waffling.
27. HAIR COLOR?
Yes.
28. EYE COLOR?
No.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
See above.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Too many to name, too few to mention.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings. (Much better than happy movies with scary endings – they make me pee a little.)
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
“Your Body And You” in 8th grade hygiene class. Riveting.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Plaid. Wait, is plaid a color?
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Larry or Shelly?
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Depends on where they land.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Sahara.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To what? Gentle guidance or a severe beating?
38. EAST LIKELY TO RESPOND
Elvis (if he truly is dead).
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Uh, hello! I’m answering this email right now, not reading. Sheesh!
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Droppings.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?
Videotapes of my neighbor, sleeping.
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Ka-Ching!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling stoned Beatles. (Giggle, giggle, thud!)
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Now. See below.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
You tell me.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a distant time, in a galaxy far, far away.
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
The IRS.
An insane supporting character in “Treasure Island”.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
The last time I poked my eye while cutting up hot peppers.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. It looks just like I wrote it!
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT
Rude people.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Why, do you want some?
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, but we’d never remember to call each other. (And what other person would I be? Can I pick?)
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yeah, right.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes, they are in a safe deposit box. (I can’t remember where, though.)
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
How boring. People actually pay money for this?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cold pizza.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have a man who comes in to do that for me.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Super humanly.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Whatever is in my bowl at the moment, though I am partial to Cherry Garcia.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
That there are way too many of them.
15. RED OR PINK?
Blue. (Oh, alright… Red.)
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My least favorite thing or everyone else’s? Because there’s a difference. A big difference.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
No one. I have excellent aim.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Define “everyone”.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants?
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A census taker.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The voices in my head.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Flesh.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm in the morning. (It smells like victory.)
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Don’t know, I dialed randomly. (She was ticked, though.)
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
See above.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
High driving and Greco-Roman waffling.
27. HAIR COLOR?
Yes.
28. EYE COLOR?
No.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
See above.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Too many to name, too few to mention.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings. (Much better than happy movies with scary endings – they make me pee a little.)
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
“Your Body And You” in 8th grade hygiene class. Riveting.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Plaid. Wait, is plaid a color?
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Larry or Shelly?
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Depends on where they land.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Sahara.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To what? Gentle guidance or a severe beating?
38. EAST LIKELY TO RESPOND
Elvis (if he truly is dead).
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Uh, hello! I’m answering this email right now, not reading. Sheesh!
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Droppings.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?
Videotapes of my neighbor, sleeping.
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Ka-Ching!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling stoned Beatles. (Giggle, giggle, thud!)
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Now. See below.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
You tell me.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a distant time, in a galaxy far, far away.
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
The IRS.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Murder Mystery!
Today we have a mystery on our hands. A murder mystery. That's right: someone killed an entire roll of toilet paper. Let's see if we can figure out "who dunnit" by looking at this series of photographs.
Exhibit One: The gruesome trail begins.
Following this macabre scene up the stairs, we find Photographic Exhibit Two: Here the trail leads in two directions. Following to the left we find...
Exhibit Three: This is no doubt the scene of the crime. Notice the toilet paper. Even in death, it still clings futilely to the roll. Sad. A life of service cut brutally short.
Finally, Exhibit Four: This is our most damning piece of photographic evidence. Notice how the paper lies in clumps at the door of Gillian's room? See how it drapes over the doll stroller? It's obvious at this point who the culprit is...
The doll! What's more, the doll hanged Scooby Doo, either in an attempt to silence a witness or to throw the authorities off by insinuating a murder-suicide.
Although Gillian was upstairs at a time approximate to the occurrence of this crime, there is no need to question her. The facts speak for themselves and we don't want to make her relive this senseless tragedy.
*Today's blog post was courtesy of the LAPD and Mike Nifong.
Exhibit One: The gruesome trail begins.
Following this macabre scene up the stairs, we find Photographic Exhibit Two: Here the trail leads in two directions. Following to the left we find...
Exhibit Three: This is no doubt the scene of the crime. Notice the toilet paper. Even in death, it still clings futilely to the roll. Sad. A life of service cut brutally short.
Finally, Exhibit Four: This is our most damning piece of photographic evidence. Notice how the paper lies in clumps at the door of Gillian's room? See how it drapes over the doll stroller? It's obvious at this point who the culprit is...
The doll! What's more, the doll hanged Scooby Doo, either in an attempt to silence a witness or to throw the authorities off by insinuating a murder-suicide.
Although Gillian was upstairs at a time approximate to the occurrence of this crime, there is no need to question her. The facts speak for themselves and we don't want to make her relive this senseless tragedy.
*Today's blog post was courtesy of the LAPD and Mike Nifong.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Greatest Toy Ever?
So, what is the greatest toy ever created?
A box!
Big thanks go out to Randi for scoring this for me. It just fit in the car.
A box!
Big thanks go out to Randi for scoring this for me. It just fit in the car.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Our Dearly Paper Departed
Let's all take a moment to remember the origami that has gone on before us: The ornate boxes, animals and balloons that so excited little children that they were completely and instantly mangled beyond recognition. The creations eaten by cats. The ones taken apart in an attempt to help you build others, only to realize you can't remember how to put the originals back together, either.
I will always recall with great fondness the elaborate paper sculptures that I decide would be better as "origami boulders" than the goddamn complicated piece of carp I was originally trying to make.
We will all meet again on the other side of that great paper bridge.
I will always recall with great fondness the elaborate paper sculptures that I decide would be better as "origami boulders" than the goddamn complicated piece of carp I was originally trying to make.
We will all meet again on the other side of that great paper bridge.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Diorama!
Ever notice how the word "diorama" looks more exciting than it actually is? I blame Bananarama and all the "o-rama" things out there for the hype.
Anyway, Nicky and Harry made dioramas of alligator habitats today.
Anyway, Nicky and Harry made dioramas of alligator habitats today.
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