Webbed Legions

Shall Not Perish

2010-04-29T17:21:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Seth and I toured the battlefield and cemetery of Gettysburg. During the Civil War, the states sent their own battalions so everyone from a certain artillery group, for instance, came from the same place. And because each battalion had its own position on the field, the battalions suffered casualties at different rates. Some states lost a dozen or so while others, like New York, lost almost 800. Numbers are misleading, of course. A loss of 262 meant 82% of a Minnesota regiment died on a hill in a small town in Pennsylvania. And no one quite knows how many Confederates died, either. "We cannot consecrate..."

I read all the names of the soldiers from Massachusetts and Rhode Island who died there. The names from Massachusetts particularly were haunting. I recognized so many of the family names, I might as well have been browsing my high school yearbook.

Reading these names means that "we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain." In a time when it seems like our own countrymen are willing to pull to this country apart, it's important to remember others efforts and sacrifice "that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

A Carefully Balanced Decore

2010-04-28T10:25:00.000-04:00

We're in Gettysburg for our last day of the Texas Road Trip. Our room at the General Lee's Headquarter Quality Inn was nice, probably one of the nicest examples of the classic motor lodge I've seen in a long time. And as befitting the locale, our room -- and just about everywhere else in this small town -- there's a careful balance between North and South. For instance, Seth's bed was under a painting of General Lee plotting his next move against the Union Army while mine sported a painting of the Boys in Blue routing Johnny Reb.

I like to think that my side of the room won.

Off to explore the town, including checking out a collection of ghost photography in this, "the most haunted town in America."

So Angry I Could Blog

2010-04-26T18:10:00.000-04:00

We just got stopped by Tennessee K9 corp.

Yep, driving along at the speed limit we passed an officer's SUV. Not long afterwards, said SUV is travelling along side of us in the left hand lane. So, we do exactly what you would do: slow down. He slows down. We slow down. We get wigged but keep driving. That's when he pulls behind us ("Finally!") and puts on the lights ("F*ck!").

He comes to my side of the car -- the passenger side -- does the whole "license and registration" bit, and asked Seth to walk with him behind the vehicle. I sit and fret and try to read as much body language as posslible through the rearview mirrors. The officer doesn't shoot him and eventually walks back to me. I give him my ID and he asks me who Seth is, where we're going, etc. It's a corraboration thing, and evidentially my answers matched Seth because I too did not get shot.

Seth comes back to the car, turns the key in the ignition -- which is not so great because the car's running already and doesn't need to be started -- and we're back on our anxiety-filled way. No ticket.

Turns out that slowing down when a police officer stares at your car from the lane next to you is the kind of thing that drug runners do. Hence the momentary detection. To Seth's eternal credit, he didn't lose his temper.

Indignant comments: "Just another example of the militarization of the police force." "Yeah. 'Welre just trying to keep you safe from the bad guys.' Just what Stalin said to his people."

Auric Goldfinger

2010-04-26T16:35:00.000-04:00

There's something about taking a long road trip that brings out the best and the worst in people. Well, at least the worst. And just in me, really. By the time I got out of the car I stank like the stinkity stankiest stunk I've every smelled. Seriously, I offended myself deeply. Remember that marathon treadmill run in the boiler room of that senior center? The one next to the cheese factory? Yeah, I smelled like that.

I have to show you the pictures from Graceland. It was everything I thought it would be, and a lot more. Now I really know why people consider it the American Pilgrimage. I took lots of pictures with my phone, which is about as low quality as one could imagine, so I'll clean them up a bit before I post them all. If you know where my Google photo album is, you can see a few of them now.

Now we are traveling from one corner of Tennessee to the other, Memphis being in the lower left and Knoxville in the upper right. Anyone hoping for a "souvenir" from our nations gold depository can just go on hoping. This car is loaded up enough as it is.

Elvis Presley Blvd.

2010-04-25T22:25:00.001-04:00

So, we had dinner in a great Indian place in Little Rock, Arkansas (you can find the best restaurants tucked away in strip malls) and now we're in a Days Inn room on Elvis Presley Boulevard in Memphis, Tennessee.

Ain't America great?

Graceland

2010-04-25T16:08:00.000-04:00

We are going to Graceland. Memphis, Tennesee.

Poor boys and pilgrims with families and we are going to Graceland.

Squee!

Yeah, I know Paul Simon didn't say "squee." I did. I'm excited.

Touchdown In Dallas

2010-04-24T16:47:00.000-04:00

Now THAT was a bumpy ride. Turbulence from the time we left to the time we landed. Wow.

The Adventure Starts

2010-04-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

Actually, it started a little too early. I guess I expected my airport search to be a little more "extensive."

But hey, there's a Dunkin Donuts right next to the gate so I got myself some lunch and a coffee while I wait.

La Petite Millionaire

2009-04-01T08:05:00.005-04:00

Today is Millionaire Day at Gilly's school.

As if you couldn't guess.

from "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" by T. S. Eliot

2009-02-04T11:55:00.003-05:00

     The Naming of Cats

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
  It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,
  Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, or George or Bill Bailey -
  All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
  Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter -
  But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
  A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
  Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
  Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -
  Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
  And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover -
  But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
  The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
  Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
    His ineffable effable
    Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

The Actors Ide

2009-01-08T10:20:00.003-05:00

While Harry was in Texas with Bobo (that's the name he came up with for my mom -- grandmas don't get to pick their own names) visiting with with my brother and his family, he put on a little play with his cousins James and Katelyn.

I'm not sure why the pirates captured Minnie Mouse, but I'm told everything came out fine in the end.

Scissors -- Addendum

2008-11-26T11:17:00.002-05:00

More from Gretchen:

Addendum...the fix! Not too bad...Of course, Gilly wanted to have the
scissors and try herself...Right! Mommy had to get mean and got the
boo-boo lip for it--just for a minute, though...all smiles now!

Scissors

2008-11-26T09:42:00.003-05:00

Guest blogger, Gretchen:

So, Gilly has been getting up anywhere from 2-5am (since the time
change) to come into bed with us or tell me about her trip to the
potty. I've been trying to get her back to her bed so that the habit
doesn't form, if you know what I mean (visions of Gilly at 15 trying
to cuddle in our bed...yikes!).

Well, some nights, like last night, I am just too tired to get my butt
out of bed. So I try to convince myself that it's close to 6am (the
alarm time) and I let her in. Last night, she wouldn't settle down and
ended up roaming the house for a bit before finally coming back and
dropping into a deep snore.

A few weeks ago, Nicky picked up the hobby of jewelry making. Last
night, he lovingly made Harry(this is rare) a necklace, which Harry
was thrilled about. Unfortunately, Nicky left the scissors out on the
table, even though I reminded him to put them away.

So it seems, Gilly came up closer to 2am than 6am and in her
subsequent ramblings, found the scissors on the kitchen table, cut
some advertisement, a corrected piece of Nicky's homework (wasn't his
best mark, anyway) and moved on to her bangs.

It's not too bad, just that Aunti Edie and Binnie were planning Santa
pictures this weekend.

I will try to fix her "look" today, but I just wanted everyone
(including our wonderful hairdresser and best friend) to see what I
had to work with...including the attitude--yes, that is her 'tude
towards me right now.

Oh yeah, her occupational therapist says she doing wonderfully with
scissors and that I should let her practice at home. Right!

Buddy

2008-10-15T11:41:00.002-04:00

Columnist Paul Krugman wins Nobel economics prize
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — Paul Krugman, the Princeton University scholar, New York Times columnist and unabashed liberal, won the Nobel prize in economics Monday for his analysis of how economies of scale can affect international trade patterns.

Dear Mr. Krugmen,

I heared you wonned the Noble Peace Prize. I myself was once
nominated for the Noble Peace Prize, too. We are so much alike,
aren't we?

I don't know if you have any plans yet for all that money. I know, if
I had all that money, I would have a tuff time figgering out what to
do with it all.

Wait!!! I have an idea! There are lots of hard working people who
are in trubbel rite now on Wall St! You and I could help them with
that money!

What do you think, Mr. Krugmen? We could be heros if we help them.
You waant to be a hero, rite? I know I do. And you and me are alot
alike!!!

You're Pal,

George "W" Bush, President

PS. You can call me "W", buddy.

Vacation photos!

2008-09-07T07:27:00.006-04:00

So this August we rented a beach house in Rhode Island for a week. It was great! Everyone enjoyed it. Especially Gilly.

It was an easy walk from the house to the beach -- Gretchen's favorite, I might add.

We lucked out on the week that we picked for our vacation: both of my brothers could spare some time to come to visit! That meant that Scott and Julia came to visit with Sage and new, cute, and somewhat pneumatic baby Jura (despite Scott's new job at Harvard) and that Seth and Lana flew in from Texas with Katelyn and James (despite their hectic work schedules and Lana's night school classes). Here's a pictures of all of Grammy Donna's (Did I mention she came, too? So did Gretchen's mom) grandkids on the couch:

I don't want to start another "sea monster" craze, but what is this thing? Mom took the picture and says it's a big bird of prey taking a sizable fish out of the water for its dinner. I have my doubts, though...
Especially since I think that this could be one of the monster's partially decomposed feet, washed up on the shore (which would explain the stink at certain points along the beach, come to think of it).

Anyway. The kids had a lot of fun even if, come bedtime, they were all parked on the floor of one room like SUVs on the Block Island ferry.

They're still working on that bike path to Block Island, by the way. So if you're planning on biking there, make sure you bring a towel in a Ziploc bag to wipe the salt water off your frame afterwards.

Lots of fun.

Maybe too much fun.

James and Harry played with Star Wars toys and Legos much of the time they were there. Mom took this picture and originally captioned it "James and Harry or Seth and Ben?" I still like Lego, and I know Seth still digs Star Wars. Oh, and if you happen to be the people who rented the house after we did, I'm so sorry for the Lego bits you probably stepped on in the middle of the night.

Well, that's about it. Except for one strange bit of deja vu. When I first walked into this rental, I thought to myself, "I've been here before." See, I had some friends who went to URI for college and these beach houses get rented out to college students in off season. But there are lots of beach houses, probably all built at or about the same time. Probably all look similar, right?

Maybe. But when I banged my elbow on the corner of the sink while using the bathroom in the middle of the first night there? That clinched it. I've definitely been there before.

A Big Day

2008-07-18T12:56:00.005-04:00

This is a big day at our house. First and foremost, Gillian turns four!

Harry, who has been on a whirlwind tour of grandmothers' houses, is coming home.

AND Nicky is coming home from camp!

Gretchen and I can kiss goodbye the bliss that comes with having only one child at home. But we missed them. And boy howdy, did Pablo miss Harry.

A day in my life...

2008-06-06T16:10:00.001-04:00

Guest blogger, Gretchen

It takes me twice as long to get anything done.

Case in point: I was lining the pan for the brownies. I finished the
roll so I put the box in the recycle bin.

Gilly goes behind me, pulls it out and starts marching around the
house with it.

Normally ok, but not with this--metal cutting edge!

I ask her to give it back and end up chasing her down to wrestle it
from her and dispose of it.

Now...where was I??

Wedding

2008-06-02T15:22:00.006-04:00

We went to a wedding this weekend. A family friend and our former babysitter tied the knot. It was a lovely ocassion and the kids looked fantastic!

Gilly got dressed up to be the flower girl. It didn't stop her from squashing bugs, though.

The kids behaved themselves exceptionally well, even through a long church service.
Well, mostly behaved themselves.

Harry was the ring bearer, and looked killer in his rental tux.

LOLs

2008-05-20T12:41:00.002-04:00

...just stuff I do when I'm goofing off. And yes, I wrote them all.

Muppet Spin-Off?

2008-05-08T09:57:00.005-04:00

I was talking to Gretchen the other morning about the Muppet Show.

Like so many around my age, I was a big fan of the show. My favorites were Prof. Bunsen Honeydew and his hapless assistant, Beaker.

I actually used an impression of Beaker as part of the courtship ritual I used on Gretchen. Regardless, I've always thought that Bunsen and Honeydew could have spun-off from the Muppet Show to have their own TV series.

"They did," Gretchen says.

"Really?" How could I miss it? I would have watched every episode!

"Yeah, it's called Mythbusters."

Of course. And I do watch every episode.

Breathing Normally Again

2008-04-07T15:52:00.005-04:00

I gotta tell you, it's nice to breathe without making bubbly gurgle noises.

And in response to my last post, I made it to 2PM before I had to go lie down. I reawoke at, like, 8PM. So that experiment had mixed results.

Gilly, we think, is getting better but has a wicked case of "sick baby syndrome". She can't bear to do anything but cling to Gretchen and complain bitterly about her lot in life. Not fun.

Speaking on Gilly, a funny thing happened the other night. We have an old baby monitor. Gretchen got it when Nicky was born so it's about 10 years old. Has two different channels, "X" and "Y". What with the creeping illness, we started using it to keep an ear out for Gilly during the night.

So the other night we start hearing a baby crying through the monitor. Gretchen is up and out the door like a flash. I've never seen anyone move that fast, let alone Gretchen. Me, I'm none too swift when awoken in the middle of the night so it took me a few minutes to realize that something wasn't right.

Gretchen races into Gilly's room, but I don't hear Gretchen through the cacophony on the monitor. Then Gretchen comes racing up the stairs, and bursts into Harry's room, across the hall from our upstairs room. And there's this wild, panicked look in her eyes. "It's not Gilly!" she screams as she charges back downstairs to check on Nicky and Gilly again.

Blink, blink. Um, what's going on here?

Gretchen whirls back into the room, and she's electric with nervous energy. "I checked Gilly, she's asleep. Nick's asleep. I think I woke up Harry when I checked on him. The crying isn't coming from our house!"

Oh, yeah. I guess someone else's monitor was tuned to our frequency. Oops.

But you know, in the time that it took Gretchen to check on all her babies twice, our neighbors still hadn't gotten up to take care of their kid. So how's that for a Super Mom?

Tales from the Sanatorium

2008-04-03T10:08:00.002-04:00

Yes, Harry is much better. Sadly, Gretchen is a little worse -- she probably is having another recurrence of bronchitis, perhaps lighter than in previous years -- but Gillian is very sick. Yesterday, she had a high fever and earaches. Any sudden movement would cause her to start vomiting rather violently. And because she didn't want to be separated from her Momma, Gretchen got very little sleep last night.

Right now, Gretchen is upstairs napping and Gilly is passed out on a rug. Although the darling puke-monster was doing much better this morning, I don't care to risk moving her.

Me, I still have an occasional coughing fit, but so long as I take it slow, I'm doing pretty well. I'd like to see how long I can remain upright today before I grow short of breath and need to lie down. Should be a good indication of how my lungs are doing.

And the sweating! Ugh!

2008-03-31T14:01:00.000-04:00

Good news: I'm not in the hospital.

Bad news: Evidentially, just having the flu isn't enough these days. I also have pneumonia.

So I've got the rocking pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu, only without the "rocking" and "boogie woogie".

Harry and I will be keeping each other company for a while longer. No, Harry's not as sick as I am, but he has excellent taste in cartoons.

With occasional bouts of consciousness,
-- Ben

Guests of Texas

2008-02-16T11:43:00.005-05:00

I just heard from my brother, Seth.

While I was moving to Connecticut with my family, he was moving to Texas with his. Same reasons -- job moves.

He's doing well! My niece Katelyn loves school, even though it's a full day session instead of the half day she'd been doing in Rhode Island. Her younger brother James is digging the scene, too.

Seth asked what the weather was like here. I told him about the snow we have on the ground, and how the 4 inches of rain we receive (in one day!) had pretty much turned it all into tiny glaciers. Seth told me that the weather in the Dallas/Fort Worth area was maybe in the 40s F in the morning and in the 60s during the day -- cold for the locals, idyllic for a New England transplant. Hail is the big concern there. And lightning. A sudden overhead bolt scare the dooky out of him the other night.

Now, I have a request of all the folks living in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I know that moving to Texas does not make you a Texan. You have a national identity there. I can understand and respect that. I have heard that even having your children in Texas does not make them Texans. "If your cat had kitten in the oven, you wouldn't call them biscuits."

Fine. But I would really appreciate it if you would look a little more favorably on those who are new to driving in your area. I'm not pointing fingers, I'm not going to single anyone out. You know who you are and you know what you're doing. Just, please, be a little nicer to people who are inexperienced in the ways of, say, merging and lane changing in your fair land.

Okay? Thanks. Or, as you say, "Much obliged."

UPDATE

Looks like Seth took a little of our fine weather with him to Texas:

All moved in

2008-02-12T13:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the hard work of Gretchen,
the garage now has room to hold both

the car and my scooter!

And, while she was moving stuff around,
she found the $%@#ing bike pump I've been looking for.

$%@#ing bike pump.

No joke too obscure

2008-02-12T12:59:00.001-05:00

"I wish I knew how to C'thul-you."

Swiped from the [hopefully forgiving] folks at
http://www.velvetdicebag.net/2006/10/2006_hp_lovecraft_film_festiva.html

Penguin

2007-12-12T08:11:00.001-05:00

Harry, for reasons known only to Harry, decided to dress up as a penguin.

(Note the feet. They're leather gloves.)

Huh?

2007-11-16T14:27:00.000-05:00

I drive two hours, each way, to get to work.

Driving as much as I do, I see a lot of the back end of cars and trucks. So I see a lot of bumper stickers, "I Support..." ribbons and the like.

Also, driving around as much as I do, my mind tends to wander a bit.

So perhaps it's no surprise that I occasionally wonder "Did I see that, or do I just think I saw that?"

Like the ribbon sticker with the camo-colored puzzle pieces that proudly proclaimed "I Support Our Dyslexic Troops."

"HOUSE SELL"

2007-11-01T11:19:00.001-04:00

Harry wants to help sell the house so he created this sign that he
wants to put up on the door. (What he really wants is his own room in
a new house so he can have all his toys out to play with!)

More Pictures of Gillian

2007-09-10T14:41:00.001-04:00

She's my little Rock and Roll.

Doesn't she look like an angel in this picture?

1st Day, update

2007-09-05T11:10:00.001-04:00

Gilly's home!

1st Day at School

2007-09-05T10:30:00.000-04:00

Today is Nicky and Gillian's first day of school. Nicky is going back to school -- 5th grade -- after a year off for homeschooling. This is Gilly's first day ever. She's only three.

By the way, Harry is going to school too -- kindergarten -- but we have to wait a few days to get him into the right school. (I could publish an entirely new blog on the faults and foibles of the Providence School system, so I'll spare you for now.)

Here they are, all set to go!

Gilly says "bye!" with a wave over her shoulder.

Here we are waiting for the bus. Don't I look so brave? (Yes, it's coffee in my coffee cup.)

15 minutes later and we are still waiting. I took Gilly for a little stroll so she wouldn't get too restless.

Another 10 minutes and we are still waiting. The bus never came, so Gretchen drove her to school. Good thing she had the car today, huh?

While Gretchen and Gilly (with Harry) went off in search of pre-K enlightenment, I walked Nicky to his school. We live 0.9 miles away from his school, so no bus ride for him. Poor guy, I think he's the last kid in America who actually wants to ride the bus -- it just hasn't worked out for him yet. Maybe when we move.

"Bits of Plastic"

2007-08-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

I've been reading this book called The World Without Us by Alan Weisman. Like the title says, it's about what the Earth would be like if humans vanished right now. Among the many things it mentions is a disturbing little fact: The plastic we toss into the ocean doesn't really break down, it just gets smaller. In fact, while being tossed about and mashed up by waves and wind, it gets small enough to be consumed by the tiny animals that most of the ocean's food chain is based on -- krill. Also, about 20% of the world's beaches is ground up plastic bits, thrown back onto the shore by the ocean we dumped it in.

I found this kind of disturbing. So I did what I usually do when confronted by a crisis. I wrote a poem.

Bits of Plastic

Bits of plastic in the sand
Left there by the hand of man
One fifth of the total weight
Is plastic on the beach to date
On every beach from shore to shore
And every day we're adding more

The plastic in the trash you toss
Won't decompose like wood or moss
It breaks up into little bits
And into little mouths it fits

Chorus
Bits of plastic in the sand
Left there by the hand of man
On every beach from shore to shore
And every day we're adding more

Zooplankton, shrimp and krill
Every mouth will plastic fill
The destiny in plastic's tale
Is in the belly of a whale

Chorus
Bits of plastic in the sand
Left there by the hand of man
On every beach from shore to shore
And every day we're adding more

Think "belly up" won't be your fate?
Just ask yourself what's on your plate!
Plastic ground up by the waves
Will be the stuff that fills our graves

Chorus
Bits of plastic in the sand
Left there by the hand of man
On every beach from shore to shore
And every day we're adding more

Yes, plastic in the ocean blue
Is coming home to me and you

Chorus
Bits of plastic in the sand
Left there by the hand of man
On every beach from shore to shore
And every day we're adding more
And every day we're adding more
And every day we're adding more!

It came out pretty well, I think. It's got a nice rhythm to it. Try reading it with a sort of calypso/reggae/Jimmy Buffett beat to it.

Into Drumming

2007-08-21T08:39:00.000-04:00

Lately, Nicky has been getting into drumming:

Well, okay. He got into one drum.

Nicky's Blog

2007-07-30T14:37:00.000-04:00

Nicky has his own blog now! http://nickyide.blogspot.com/

I'm so proud!

Hey, when you read his blog, ask him when he's going to make me a duct tape wallet. Thanks.

Messy Kids

2007-07-16T08:20:00.000-04:00

Before getting dropped off at camp, Nicky enjoys an ice cream cone.
Actually, Gretchen needed to kill some time before registration started.
Thanks to Nicky's eagerness, they got there an hour early.

Later that day Gretchen and I took the kids to the beach.
We stopped at Aunt Carrie's on the way, and you can see the effects
of clamcakes and chowder on my immense gut in the background.

Gilly had a great time playing in the sand and surf.

Favorite Fictitious Horror Flicks:

2007-07-06T09:27:00.000-04:00

"It Came From France!"

"The Thing That Wouldn't File"

"Squeak!"

"Death Comes a Day Late and a Dollar Short"

"They Might Be Germans!"

"Creature With A Thousand Receipts"

"Faces Of Knievel"

"Murder on the Hoboken Intercity Transit"

And, last but not least, my favorite:

"Arbor Day!"

Pablo

2007-06-26T12:42:00.001-04:00

Pablo the cat, as drawn by Harry, the 4-year-old.

Emailed Questions Answered

2007-06-26T10:21:00.000-04:00

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
An insane supporting character in “Treasure Island”.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
The last time I poked my eye while cutting up hot peppers.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. It looks just like I wrote it!

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT
Rude people.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Why, do you want some?

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, but we’d never remember to call each other. (And what other person would I be? Can I pick?)

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yeah, right.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes, they are in a safe deposit box. (I can’t remember where, though.)

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
How boring. People actually pay money for this?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cold pizza.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have a man who comes in to do that for me.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Super humanly.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Whatever is in my bowl at the moment, though I am partial to Cherry Garcia.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
That there are way too many of them.

15. RED OR PINK?
Blue. (Oh, alright… Red.)

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My least favorite thing or everyone else’s? Because there’s a difference. A big difference.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
No one. I have excellent aim.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Define “everyone”.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants?

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A census taker.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The voices in my head.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Flesh.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm in the morning. (It smells like victory.)

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Don’t know, I dialed randomly. (She was ticked, though.)

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
See above.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
High driving and Greco-Roman waffling.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Yes.

28. EYE COLOR?
No.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
See above.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Too many to name, too few to mention.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings. (Much better than happy movies with scary endings – they make me pee a little.)

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
“Your Body And You” in 8th grade hygiene class. Riveting.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Plaid. Wait, is plaid a color?

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Larry or Shelly?

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Depends on where they land.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Sahara.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To what? Gentle guidance or a severe beating?

38. EAST LIKELY TO RESPOND
Elvis (if he truly is dead).

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Uh, hello! I’m answering this email right now, not reading. Sheesh!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Droppings.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?
Videotapes of my neighbor, sleeping.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Ka-Ching!

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling stoned Beatles. (Giggle, giggle, thud!)

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Now. See below.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
You tell me.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a distant time, in a galaxy far, far away.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
The IRS.

Murder Mystery!

2007-06-15T12:19:00.000-04:00

Today we have a mystery on our hands. A murder mystery. That's right: someone killed an entire roll of toilet paper. Let's see if we can figure out "who dunnit" by looking at this series of photographs.

Exhibit One: The gruesome trail begins.

Following this macabre scene up the stairs, we find Photographic Exhibit Two: Here the trail leads in two directions. Following to the left we find...

Exhibit Three: This is no doubt the scene of the crime. Notice the toilet paper. Even in death, it still clings futilely to the roll. Sad. A life of service cut brutally short.

Finally, Exhibit Four: This is our most damning piece of photographic evidence. Notice how the paper lies in clumps at the door of Gillian's room? See how it drapes over the doll stroller? It's obvious at this point who the culprit is...

The doll! What's more, the doll hanged Scooby Doo, either in an attempt to silence a witness or to throw the authorities off by insinuating a murder-suicide.

Although Gillian was upstairs at a time approximate to the occurrence of this crime, there is no need to question her. The facts speak for themselves and we don't want to make her relive this senseless tragedy.

*Today's blog post was courtesy of the LAPD and Mike Nifong.

Greatest Toy Ever?

2007-06-14T15:04:00.000-04:00

So, what is the greatest toy ever created?

A box!

Big thanks go out to Randi for scoring this for me. It just fit in the car.

Our Dearly Paper Departed

2007-06-07T08:41:00.000-04:00

Let's all take a moment to remember the origami that has gone on before us: The ornate boxes, animals and balloons that so excited little children that they were completely and instantly mangled beyond recognition. The creations eaten by cats. The ones taken apart in an attempt to help you build others, only to realize you can't remember how to put the originals back together, either.

I will always recall with great fondness the elaborate paper sculptures that I decide would be better as "origami boulders" than the goddamn complicated piece of carp I was originally trying to make.

We will all meet again on the other side of that great paper bridge.

Diorama!

2007-06-01T15:08:00.000-04:00

Ever notice how the word "diorama" looks more exciting than it actually is? I blame Bananarama and all the "o-rama" things out there for the hype.

Anyway, Nicky and Harry made dioramas of alligator habitats today.

Harry & Pablo

2007-05-30T14:18:00.001-04:00

Just chillin'.
So human eyes glow red and cat eyes glow yellow?

Okay, Just One More LOL Cat

2007-05-23T15:31:00.000-04:00

Another LOL Cat Entry

2007-05-23T15:24:00.000-04:00

LOL Cats Entry

2007-05-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

More Pictures of the House

2007-05-22T12:23:00.001-04:00

We have been busily fixing up the house to get it ready to sell.

Like the Prudential Realty sign? I've been told it "adds some class",
whatever than means. Gretchen fixed up the front, clearing out the
weeds and adding flowers to the front steps. It's too early to tell, but
there are annuals planted in front of the boxwood hedges.

The carpet Gretchen picked out for the living room is killer.

I reupholstered the couches and the chair. We got micro-suede fabric, and
I'm hoping that the cats won't claw through it -- like they did the original fabric.

[Sigh] We painted over the faux work in the dining room.
It's a nice color and ties everything together nicely, but I miss the
al fresco feel of the faux stucco. Ah, well. There's always the next place.

And the bedroom. All the books have been packed into boxes.
It's amazing how many fit in the custom-fit bookshelves I made.
Also amazing, how much a box full of books weigh. Ouch!
Glad it ain't vinyl records.

http://osa.prudentialproperties.com/id/details.aspx?webid=PRU7A3J2

Dwight & Earl (older post reposted)

2007-05-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

> Eugene Mallove, 56, of Pembroke, N.H., was unresponsive when police
> found him in a Norwich house owned by his parents, and he was
> pronounced dead at the scene.

I can just image the police first on the scene...

"Sir? Sir!"

"Try his other ear, Earl. He might be deaf in that one."

"Good thinking, Dwight. Sir? Can you hear me? Please respond. Sir?"

"I'm thinking 'unresponsive'."

"We should maybe write him up for 'failing to aid in an official
investigation'?"

"Maybe. Give it one more try."

"Sir, if you are not dead, please say so. Otherwise we may be
required to press charges."

"No answer?"

"No answer."

"I'm logging it. 'Subject failed to responded to repeated
inquiries.' What time you got, Earl?"

"All the time in the world, Dwight."

Another One of Those Days

2007-05-21T12:13:00.000-04:00

It's another one of those days where I get a tune stuck in my head.

I know, it happens to you all the time, too. (By the way, if you're the kind of person who is very susceptible to memes, I recommend that you stop reading right now.)

This isn't any ordinary tune, this tune stuck in my head. Oh, no. It's a Frankentune. A monster.

It's like the one I had in college. Beethoven's Ode to Joy from his 9th Symphony. Only sung in lousy German by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

That was bad.

This one is not as bad. It's one line from Deep Purple's My Woman from Tokyo sung over and over. The title line, actually.

Only, instead of "My woman from Tokyo" it's "My neighbor is Totoro."

Over and over and over.

Remembering Sushi

2007-05-16T11:31:00.000-04:00

"Sushi" is the name that Nicky gave to the goldfish he won at
U. Hartford's Community Day last month.

I had previously taken the motor out of an old blender,
installing a low wattage night light in it's place.

Sushi looked great in it.

He (or she, we can't tell with fish) was a very cute fish
and was a joy to have in our kitchen.

He will be sorely missed.

Sorry, General Tsao

2007-05-14T12:37:00.000-04:00

You know those ubiquitous white boxes with the metal handles? The ones in your fridge, holding the leftovers from last Saturday's feast?

I think that, whatever company makes these take-out containers for Chinese restaurants -- and that company must be pulling in some serious profits; these things are everywhere! -- that company should seriously consider redesigning their product to more readily accommodate microwave users.

And if you're reading this post because your in the market to buy a lovely single-family, 3 bedroom, home with hard wood flooring and is conveniently located near Rt. 95 and the Roger Williams Park and Zoo: Don't worry. Everything is just fine. I installed new smoke alarms last week and we needed to be sure that they worked. Heck, the one by the kitchen has a nifty "hush" feature for just such contingencies.

How will you know when lunch is ready? The smoke alarm will tell you!

Dangerous Duo

2007-05-11T11:32:00.000-04:00

Katelyn and Harry, hopped up on yogurt drinks and armed with crayons.
Lock your doors, folks.

The Littlest Sox Fan

2007-05-11T11:22:00.000-04:00

Gillian in her pink Red Sox outfit.
"Pink Red Sox"?
Yep. (It only seems like an oxymoron.)

No, seriously, the house is for sale

2007-05-08T12:28:00.000-04:00

We're moving. And an important part of moving is selling your current house so you can buy a new one.

Hence, these photos and the prior post.

This is the front of our house, viewed from the street.

Here's the view the Pizza Guy sees. ("Excellent Pizza" isn't just a name.)

This is the view from the back of the house.
It's got a nice little yard, which is all fenced in.
(Good for children and other pets.)

This is the garage.
Interesting history, this garage has.
See the little bump out at the front, where the door is?
A previous owner found that his '67 Cadillac won't fit,
so he had the garage extended another 4 inches.

This is the kitchen, a bright and sunny place.
Some of the best food in the world comes from this kitchen.
(This may have something to do with the chef. Your experiences may vary.)

And here's the bathroom. It's located at the top of the stairs on the second floor,
convenient to all the bedrooms. In the basement is another bathroom
that was dismantled by a previous owner. Taxes in this area are based
in part on how many bathrooms you have. I'd always planned to reassemble
the basement bathroom (it's a snap, all the stuff is right there), only just
after the tax assessment.

http://osa.prudentialproperties.com/id/details.aspx?webid=PRU7A3J2

Want to Buy a House? (MLS# 742543)

2007-05-08T10:02:00.000-04:00

30 Louis Av, Providence, RI 02907 go to map

View Flood Map

View More Photos

Estimated Monthly Payment

Asking Price($):
Down Payment($):
Interest Rate:



Monthly Payment:
	See more calculators

Price: $229,900

Bedrooms:	3		Bathrooms:	1		Garage:	1
Square Ft:	1,456		Lot Size:	n/a

Price Per sq/ft for this property:		$157
Average Price Per sq/ft for this area:		$188
Median Home Price forProvidence,RI:		$219,000

Year Built:	1955	School District:	n/a
MLS Number:	742543	Active Date:	May 07, 2007
Property Type:	Single Family	Area Location:	10
Subdivision:	n/a	County:	Providence
Status:	Active New	Map Page:	n/a

Property Information

Tastefully Decorated, Well Maintained 3 Bed Home W/ Garage, Hardwoods, Beautiful Woodwork And Many Updates!Whirlpool Tub, Freshly Painted, Vinyl Siding, Move In Condition.Taxes Don't Reflect 50% Homestead Exemption. Subj To Seller Finding Suitable Housing.

General

Above Ground Square Footage:	1,456	Bedrooms:	3
Full Bathrooms:	1	Garage Description:	Detached
Garage Spaces:	1	Number of Rooms:	6
Rooms:	Foyer/Hall, Dining Room, Eat In Kitchen, Recreation Room, Laundry Area

Exterior Comments

Exterior:

Vinyl Siding , Insulated Glass Windows, Storm Windows, Storm Door, Screened Porch/Patio

Interior Comments

Finished Floor:

Hardwood, Ceramic , Vinyl

Interior:

Dry Bar, Attic Storage, Internal Expansion

Construction

Basement:	Full, Concrete, Unfinished		Type:	Colonial, Other
Year Built:	1955

Equipment

Cooling:	Individual Unit	Electric:	100 Amps, Circuit Breaker
Equipment:	Refrigerator , Oven/Range, Garbage Disposal, Dishwasher, Ceiling Fan, Washer, Dryer, Whirlpool	Heat System:	Radiant
Heating Fuel:	Oil	Hot Water:	Gas, Tank
Sewer:	Connected

Property

Listing Provided Courtesy Of:

Prudential Gammons Realty, Llc

MLS Number:

742543

Lot Comments

Approximate Acres:	0.082		Lot Description:	Sidewalks , Paved Driveway, Fenced Yard
Lot Square Footage:	3,572

"I'm a Big Girl Now!"

2007-04-20T13:56:00.000-04:00

(Special guest blogger, Gretchen.)

Gilly came to lunch when called, but got up on Harry's chair
as if to say, "I'm a big girl now so I can eat like the rest of you!"

She was much better behaved, too, for both boys became
clowns upon seeing the camera!

Cookies

2007-04-20T13:26:00.000-04:00

Nicky is making cookies. He's actually pretty good at it,
but he gets bored easily with the standard recipes.
So he like to "mix it up" a bit by adding non-traditional ingredients.

Like hot pink food coloring.

Harry is helping.

Look closely at the area around his mouth,
if you're curious as to what he's helping himself to. ;-)

Clarification

2007-04-18T13:26:00.000-04:00

A mess in Topeka

A messy toe picker

I'm glad we could get this straightened out.

Scott Turns 38

2007-04-18T09:54:00.000-04:00

This is my brother, Scott.
He turned 38 yesterday while the rest of the nation filed their income tax.

His wife and step-daughter made him an awesome cake.

Scott Eyed. (Get it?)

Actually, Scott had many cakes for his birthday.
Good thing he's in such good shape, otherwise he'd never be able to blow out his candles.

In case you're wondering, the sweatshirt Scott's wearing says "Independent Fabrication." That's a custom bike shop that our cousin works at.

Also, all these photos were from a party I couldn't attend. I wiped them from Tess, who took some awesome photos.

Nicky Wins!

2007-04-17T15:05:00.000-04:00

Nicky is quite a poker player. At nine years old, that's something.
(I know, maybe you think it's something he shouldn't be.)

Four of a kind beats a full house...

...But you don't see it happen very often!

From Three Years Ago

2007-04-16T13:14:00.000-04:00

I have two children. Nicky is six and Harry is about a year and a half. While building a spice rack for their mother last Saturday I overheard this "conversation" taking place in the living room:

Harry: Doo bada Icky!

Nicky: Get off me, Harry!

Harry: Doo bada Icky!

Nicky: Ow!

Harry: Oo!

Nicky: Ow!

Harry: Oo!

Nicky: Ow!

Harry: Oo!

Nicky: Ouch!

Harry: Ook!

Nicky: Ouch!

Harry: Ook!

Nicky: Ouch!

Harry: Ook!

Nicky: Mom! Harry's hitting me!

Mom: Harry, get off your brother.

Harry: No! Doo bada Icky!

Nicky: Ouch!

Harry: Ook!

That's all I could hear, Nicky yelping and Harry copying him. After that, my laughter drowned them out.

Oprah Gets A Clue

2007-04-16T11:14:00.000-04:00

If only it worked on authors.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0104061jamesfrey1.html
http://www.dibsblog.com/?p=199

"Iceberg" Lettuce

2007-04-16T11:03:00.000-04:00

Last night's salad might have looked a little strange.

Thing is, Harry put the salad fixings in the freezer.

Oh well. Lettuce is for chumps anyway.

Make the Pandemic Funnier

2007-04-16T10:56:00.000-04:00

"Yes, that outfit does make you look fat."

Another Bunny Sighting

2007-04-09T08:58:00.000-04:00

Rare photo of the Easter Bunny,
caught in the act of hiding eggs.

Welcome to the '80s!

2007-04-09T08:53:00.000-04:00

Hey, guess who got a new cell phone!

Yep, finally joined the ranks of the annoyingly connected.

Next step? Standing behind you in line at the coffee shop whilst shouting pithy things like "Oh my gawd!" and "No way! Really?" and the epic crowd pleaser, "I mean, like, I am *not* an idiot."

You lucky, lucky people.

Easter Bunny Sighting!

2007-03-30T09:15:00.000-04:00

Meh. I'm not surprised...

2007-03-28T12:47:00.000-04:00

What Is Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Science/Math Nerd (Insane laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!) Well, maybe you aren't this extreme, but you're in league with the crazy scientists/mathematicians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whatever God you worship, or don't worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help.
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Social Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Is Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Ogre != Baby

2007-03-21T15:03:00.000-04:00

Bored at Harassment Training

2007-03-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

Last week, as required by Connecticut law, I sat through two hours of harassment training. Yawn. It's not that the presenter was boring, he being a lawyer with years of experience in this area and lots of juicy stories to go with. It's just that I've been through all this before. I used to work in the People's Republic of Cambridge, Mass. for Zod's sake.

So, following the habits developed in college, I amused myself by tacking superfluous notes onto the overview provided:

WHAT CONDUCT CAN CONTRIBUTE TO A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT?

Sexually explicit graffiti, posters or calendars
Extremely vulgar and offensive sexually-related epithets
Abusive language, posting drawings of sexually explicit behavior and indecent exposure by co-workers (duh)
Requirement of a lewd or revealing uniform
Staging military exercises on the border of a coworker's cubicle

EFFECTS OF A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

Stress, for the victim as well as the workplace generally
Loss of productivity, by the victim and the workplace generally
Turnover within the workforce
Employee complaints
Global warming

THE COMPANY'S LIABILITY FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Harassee subject to tangible employment action
Harassee required to bring snacks on Fridays

TANGIBLE EMPLOYMENT ACTION INCLUDES

Discharge (ew)
Demotion
Docked pay
Undesirable reassignment
Forced to refill photocopier toner

THE SUPERVISOR'S PERSONAL LIABILITY FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Civil assault and battery but not uncivil assault and battery
Intentional infliction of emotional distress but not tensional fiction of notional stress
Wrongful discharge via stun-gun or rifle
Joint and several liability
Criminal liability
Care and cleaning liables

...And it went on from there.

Oh, and the next time you have to lead a training session that includes audience participation, start them off with this question:

"How many people here would raise your hands if I asked you to? Show of hands?"

A Day at the Races

2007-03-12T14:49:00.000-04:00

The weather has been very kind to us today. The temperatures have gotten up in the high 50s after two weeks of arctic cold and ice.

So what better way to celebrate than to race up and down the driveway?

Special Kind of Moron

2007-03-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

You know, any fool can throw something out of a car window, but it takes a special kind of moron to throw a lit cigarette out of a moving vehicle.

Toss some burning trash from your car, why don't you? Sure!

Roadside brush fire? No problem!

Let it land back inside the car? How else are you going to set the back seat on fire?

Heck, maybe there's somebody with a convertible and you can set his car aflame.

People, please: keep your health hazards to yourself. Feel free to "ash" out the window, but stub out in the ashtray of your car, okay?

Thank you.

Customer Reviews

2007-02-21T15:44:00.000-05:00

Fast Paced Chess for Neophytes and Experts, February 21, 2007
Reviewer: Ben Ide "Webbed Legions" - See all my reviews

This is a good games and a really great concept. Game play is simple and fast paced. There is strategy involved, but it never bogs down the action. Using a scaled down board and just a handful of key chess pieces, this games succeeds where so many others have failed: It creates a great learning tool and introduction to chess while also leveling the field for experts and novices.

How is this possible? Simple. While the expert is trying to teach the beginner the rules and strategies of chess, the beginner is winning at a game she or he already knows -- tic tac toe. My nine-year-old son, for example, asked maybe 6 times "How does this piece move?" I'd tell him and maybe correct a few wrong moves, and then the little stinker would suddenly beat me. I'm playing chess, he's playing tic tac toe, all while we're both playing Tic Tac Chec and having a blast!

My only complaints about the game is the lightweight pieces skitter off the board too easily (heavier and maybe slight larger chess pieces would help)and the directions are a little vague ("pawns must cross the board before they can reverse direction", "you can't move if there are less than three of your pieces on the board", and "start with a blank board, taking turns placing pieces until you can start moving them" are helpful clarifications).

Gettin' "Cozy"

2007-02-20T10:08:00.000-05:00

Gilly & Harry wearing tea cozies.

The two fingers sprouting from Harry's head are Nicky's.

Photo Session: Gilly with Hat and PJs

2007-02-06T10:31:00.000-05:00

Stare, Smile, Grimace

2007-02-06T08:09:00.000-05:00

Water World

2007-02-03T08:49:00.000-05:00

Here's a nifty map that shows what any area in the world would look like if global sea levels increase by 0-14 meters. On this map, I have central Connecticut highlighted with a 10 meter rise:

http://flood.firetree.net/?ll=41.7959,-72.6746&z=6&m=10

Not too bad. Very few areas we're looking at for houses would be under water -- even though many of the major roadways would need new bridges. University of Hartford should be okay, too. (Harvard would be submerged.)

Sadly, I couldn't get the map to show the Providence area. I'm pretty sure that our current house would be underwater, though.

The Continuing Adventures of "That Dork From Harvard"

2007-02-02T11:01:00.000-05:00

No, not Nick. Me.

So today I was all excited because I managed not to sign the time sheet where the director is supposed to sign -- I did that last week; very embarrassing -- so I thought I'd celebrate with some coffee.

I do like coffee. Gretchen bought me my own can and some powdered Creamola to take to work. I still need to get a coffee maker for my office. I'm actually thinking of getting an electric kettle and a simple drip coffee maker, maybe something like this.

So I grab my can of coffee and trot up to the break room. There I dose out the more-or-less proper amount of coffee and water and flip the switch. While I wait for the brew to finish, um, brewing, I scope out the cartoon clipping posted on the staff corkboard because hey, they're new to me. (Ha! Oh that Cathy!)

When I hear the coffee pot gurgling I turn around and OH MY DOG! I didn't close the lid of the machine and there's aborted coffee and grounds everywhere!

Luckily, I know how to clean up a coffee machine disaster. But still, what a dork!

Reincarnation

2007-01-16T12:28:00.000-05:00

If such things are possible -- and I get to choose -- I think I'd like to come back in my next life as a house cat.

So long, Harvard!

2007-01-08T12:45:00.000-05:00

It's been nice, but I'm moving on.

I've landed a nice job with some wonderful folks at the University of Hartford, working as the Head of Technical Services in their libraries. I start Wednesday.

I'm really excited to start the new job, even though I'll miss my cow-orkers here at Lamont. This also means I'll be moving at some point. I can commute by car for a while -- and actually, it's shorter than my current trek to Cambridge -- but we'll relocate as soon as feasible.

Tough Week For Celebs

2006-12-31T08:07:00.001-05:00

With the passing of former President Gerald "Swine Flu" Ford and
singer James "Return Fire" Brown, looks like it's been a tough week
for celebrities.

Which reminds me, how's the appeal coming along, Saddam?

Kaka "the Fan Boy" Eeday

2006-12-08T15:08:00.000-05:00

A visiting librarian from Japan came to our department today for a brief tour and discussion. While she was here, I got a confirmation on something that a friend had told me long ago.

It's true: "Ben" means "poop" in Japanese.

She took it all in stride, and I doubt she would have commented on it if I hadn't mentioned it first. However, she admitted that she initially expected me to look more Asian since "Ide" (pronounced "ee-day") is a fairly popular surname in Japan.

After the tour, we sat at my desk while she asked me a few more questions. She kept looking over my shoulder at my computer screen, and it wasn't until she was about to leave that she laughingly said why.

I had completely forgotten that, months ago, I'd changed the scrolling banner of my screen saver to say:

オタク

Which is Japanese for "geek" or "fan boy".

I'm so embarrassed.

First Snow

2006-12-04T13:55:00.000-05:00

We had our first snow of the season today. Really, it was little more than slush from on high, but the kids dug it. Nicky built a snowman!

Notice all the green tracks in the lawn, showing where the snowballs had been rolled.

"All done, bored now."

That's the little snowman in the bottom left corner. It's camouflaged by all the yard debris stuck in the snow.

Sadly, the temperatures shot up right after these photos were taken, and Frosty is no more. Perhaps the detritus lives on as compost.

By the way, Gretchen made the scarves. Aren't they great?

Sunday with Gillian

2006-11-22T08:56:00.000-05:00

From Gretchen's mother, Barbara Fluck:

I wanted to tell you about Gilly in church and Gilly at lunch. Boy, dress that kid up and she figures she can get away with anything. She can get her boots off now without undoing the zipper. So she hummed one under the pew in front of us. Gretchen retrieved it and put it on the seat--end of story??? Not by a long shot. Little minx picked it up, gave Gretchen a nasty look and hummed it back under the pew and then a look like 'That will take care of that' She stood up on the seat and held the back of our pew, flirted with the old ladies behind her, turned the pages of their hymnals. Of course when there was music she swayed and sort of danced in perfect rhythm. Before Harry went to Sunday school he took a hymnal and sang sotto voce whether there was singing or not. That was after he found he could not get past me and go fight with Nicky--well, at least until the very end when he made it by lying on his belly and wiggling like a snake to get under my leg and feet.

Then Gretchen decided we should go to lunch at Bliss and Harry was so excited he took a flying leap into the booth and hit hard as in tears and howling. It had to have hurt badly. He'd wipe his eyes and then start howling all over again. He did manage to eat his lunch so he could have a sundae like the picture. The waitress made it in miniature. Ice cream cures most pains. Nicky bought him a pack of gum which completed the soothing.

You say Gilly, how about Gilly? Oh yes she was in a high chair at the end of the booth and had a hot dog which Gretchen cut into little circles and gave her a puddle of ketchup for dipping. That was when she figured out how to do something she must have watched the big kids do somewhere. She made the circle into a stamp; the ketchup was the stamp pad and the paper, you ask. Why Mommy's arm of course. Did I mention Gretchen was wearing a new, pretty blouse? I think Gilly missed the fabric but cannot be sure. I wiped Gretchen's arm and that was Gilly's cue to show us that she was operating according to her own plan, and she stamped it again. The high chair was moved and then she moved a bit forward so she could reach my woolen skirt and wipe that nasty ketchup ink off her dainty little fingers. Another move of the chair and she had the ketchup all to herself and she spread it liberally over her face. Just one more adventure--she took a big drink of her juice and let it run down her front. The cold made her gasp and grab her tummy. We gave her a napkin and let her wipe herself. She really looked adorable as the day began.

When they headed for home, I came here and settled into my chair with a good book--which never was read--at least for the next two hours when I woke up and realized I had beat my record for sleeping in my chair, which hitherto had been half an hour. I did have a great time, but it was exhausting. It was Gretchen who deserved all the sympathy. We laughed a lot but I think if I had not been there she might have cried or screamed. I had mentioned in the beginning I was surprised that she brought Gilly. I am sure she understood at the end why I thought that. Well, now you have a full account. Have a good day and we'll see you Thursday.

Snake Oil

2006-11-15T12:42:00.000-05:00

It's getting so hard to find decent snake oil these days.

And don't get me started on dehydrated water. Not one local retailer. Not one.

Overheard

2006-11-03T14:02:00.000-05:00

Overheard* Monday morning at 8:30 in the central stairwell of Lamont Library, spoken by a young woman into her cell phone:

"Hello, yes. Can I get something in writing that states that I do not have a restraining order against you?"

How does that work? If you are the party who would otherwise have issued a restraining order, wouldn't it be logical to supply your own written statement to that fact? Otherwise, we had all better start writting out statements for all the people we don't mind having within 500' of me. I'm going to start with Rachel Ray. ;-)

And how would you like to be the person on the other end of the line, dealing with this early morning non-sequitur?

blink blink "Do you need this before I have my first cup of coffee?"

*Based on the number of times I overhear bizarre things people declaim into their cell phones in public spaces, this might become a new running feature.

Electric Lighting

2006-11-02T16:00:00.000-05:00

Is lightning enlightening?
Or can only lighting
enlighten?

Lightning will lighten,
as lightning's lighting lights,
but is this lightening
enlightening?

Even so, is it
the lightning that
enlightens or
just the lightning's
lightening that
enlightens?

Luminous luminaries of
voluminous illumination
will illuminate
what shocking shocks
this shocking shock
may shake.

Hallowe'en Train

2006-11-01T11:24:00.000-05:00

We asked Harry what he wanted to be for Hallowe'en this year.

"I want to be a train."

Do you mean, you want to be an engineer? He got a nifty new engineer uniform for his birthday in August.

"No, I want to be a train."

So Gretchen cobbled together this costume: Harry the Train.

It's Thomas, of course.

Good thing we saved all those boxes, huh?

Nicky dressed as a vampire and Gilly as a pumpkin.

Pretty good, huh?

Coffee for the Uninformed

2006-10-16T15:46:00.000-04:00

A new cafe is opening in my library tomorrow.

I hate it.

Sure, it's nice looking. This time, the architects and designers succeeded in making the addition look like the rest of the building. And I love coffee.

So what's the problem? The new cafe has completely replaced our reference collection and services.

Awful, huh? You don't know the half of it.

Boring Lunch

2006-10-13T09:31:00.000-04:00

Poor tired Gilly.

Oh, well. Not every meal can be exciting.

James Earl Jones

2006-10-04T08:48:00.000-04:00

James Earl Jones came to speak and read at our local library yesterday. While I couldn't go, Gretchen and the kids went. The Providence Journal was on hand to take pictures.

If you look in the bottom left corner, you can see Gretchen with most of her brood.

Finally, a Usefull "How To"

2006-09-13T12:07:00.000-04:00

How to Dissuade Yourself from Blogging

9-11

2006-09-11T15:30:00.000-04:00

Special guest blogger today, Gretchen.

-- Ben

Nicky and I did a "history" lesson today talking about 9/11 and
reading/viewing some stuff in Projo and AP.

I wrote some poems that you could put in the blog if you wanted.

Remembering 9/11

5 years..My mind pulled back--
Warm, sunny, glorious September day.
My three-year-old playing in the yard while I read,
Phone rings--youngest nephew--
Horror--plane crash--Two Towers.

Run inside to television--horror
Standing transfixed...
Transfigured...
Lines jammed. No phones...
No planes...all quiet.

5 years...Family...now three children,
Sunny, glorious September day.
Remembering...now he's 8, learning history.
Looking at pictures, listening to stories, reading accounts.
Horror is now sadness...quiet tears fall.

and...

Horrific event--terrorist attack.

Everything stops.

Rescuers are frantically searching...

Occasionally finding a miracle.

Everyday people--

Saviours and souls.

Ronald McHummer

2006-08-24T15:41:00.000-04:00

My kids have a couple of the toy Hummers that McDonald's has been giving out. It's all pretty nasty, but they love the cars.

Anyway, you can make your own McDonald's sign at http://www.ronaldmchummer.com/. Hurry, before the corporate lawyers yank it down!

Beautiful

2006-08-24T13:47:00.000-04:00

So the title of this entry is "Hot Library Smut."

And that's really what it is! Pure, unadulterated lustful images of...

Well, I won't spoil the surprise.

Enjoy!

I stink...

2006-08-23T13:48:00.000-04:00

...like squirrel whiz.

I have to clean my scooter soon. Squirrels have been sneaking into my garage and "marking" my scooter. Today isn't too bad, since I hosed the seat down with Febreeze. Yesterday, even if no one else noticed the smell, I did, and it was driving me to distraction.

And it makes my cats all goofy, too.

Tomato Cure for Cat Hangover

2006-08-23T11:34:00.000-04:00

Dateline: Providence

Pablo the cat, seen here (above), tries the new miracle cure for cat hangovers -- tomato fumes -- after an all-night bender at "Hawaiian Nite."

I Feel...

2006-08-23T09:49:00.000-04:00

...higher than a kite.

They're doing construction work in my library right now and the fumes are amazing. In the words on one of my cow-orkers (who had to leave due to the stench) "it's like working inside a plastic model airplane."

On a related note, the chickens here love me. They say it's because of my humor, but I know it's because I'm the only one who sees them skritching behind the Xerox machine.

Don't worry, chickens. I won't tell.

http://www.wefeelfine.org/

2006-08-22T08:28:00.000-04:00

I feel aardvarks should be granted voting privileges. That's just how I feel.