Easter Bunny Sighting!

Meh. I'm not surprised...

What Is Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Science/Math Nerd   (Insane laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!) Well, maybe you aren't this extreme, but you're in league with the crazy scientists/mathematicians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whatever God you worship, or don't worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help.
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Social Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Is Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Ogre != Baby

Bored at Harassment Training

Last week, as required by Connecticut law, I sat through two hours of harassment training. Yawn. It's not that the presenter was boring, he being a lawyer with years of experience in this area and lots of juicy stories to go with. It's just that I've been through all this before. I used to work in the People's Republic of Cambridge, Mass. for Zod's sake.

So, following the habits developed in college, I amused myself by tacking superfluous notes onto the overview provided:

WHAT CONDUCT CAN CONTRIBUTE TO A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT?

1. Sexually explicit graffiti, posters or calendars
2. Extremely vulgar and offensive sexually-related epithets
3. Abusive language, posting drawings of sexually explicit behavior and indecent exposure by co-workers (duh)
   
4. Requirement of a lewd or revealing uniform
5. Staging military exercises on the border of a coworker's cubicle
   

EFFECTS OF A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

1. Stress, for the victim as well as the workplace generally
2. Loss of productivity, by the victim and the workplace generally
3. Turnover within the workforce
4. Employee complaints
5. Global warming

THE COMPANY'S LIABILITY FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

1. Harassee subject to tangible employment action
2. Harassee required to bring snacks on Fridays

TANGIBLE EMPLOYMENT ACTION INCLUDES

1. Discharge (ew)
2. Demotion
3. Docked pay
4. Undesirable reassignment
5. Forced to refill photocopier toner

THE SUPERVISOR'S PERSONAL LIABILITY FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

1. Civil assault and battery but not uncivil assault and battery
2. Intentional infliction of emotional distress but not tensional fiction of notional stress
3. Wrongful discharge via stun-gun or rifle
4. Joint and several liability
5. Criminal liability
6. Care and cleaning liables

...And it went on from there.

Oh, and the next time you have to lead a training session that includes audience participation, start them off with this question:

"How many people here would raise your hands if I asked you to? Show of hands?"

A Day at the Races

The weather has been very kind to us today. The temperatures have gotten up in the high 50s after two weeks of arctic cold and ice.

So what better way to celebrate than to race up and down the driveway?

Special Kind of Moron

You know, any fool can throw something out of a car window, but it takes a special kind of moron to throw a lit cigarette out of a moving vehicle.

Toss some burning trash from your car, why don't you? Sure!

Roadside brush fire? No problem!

Let it land back inside the car? How else are you going to set the back seat on fire?

Heck, maybe there's somebody with a convertible and you can set his car aflame.

People, please: keep your health hazards to yourself. Feel free to "ash" out the window, but stub out in the ashtray of your car, okay?

Thank you.